The following text is taken from posts by Jason to Alt.Discordia
in January and February of 1997
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I just wanted to let everybody know I started a new religion today.
It's called "Spiritual Materialism."
As I have stated previously, I work in a restaurant in down-town
Boston. I work hard, make a decent salary, and I live quite comfortably.
Within reason, I can get what I want for myself. The problem is, in the
world in which we live, everybody is not in the same situation.
Every night, as I walk from work, to where my car is parked, I pass
several homeless people on the street. They are forced to sleep on the floor
of a bank's indoor ATM machine to keep from freezing to death.
At first, I just tried to pass without looking, hoping to avoid the issue.
However, my concience wouldn't let me get away with it. I began to feel
like shit for having as much as I do, while others around me have nothing.
Last night, I finally did something about it. Where I work, we make pizza.
At the end of the night, the cooks throw away the pre-cooked crusts that
were not made into pizzas. I saved them and made several pizzas, which I
boxed up and brought with me.
As I passed the homeless people, I gave them the pizzas. They thanked
me, and I felt better for having done something. It was no big deal to me, but
it may have been their only meal of the day.
Start of something great:
As I drove home, I couldn't stop thinking about the conditions those
people faced. Coming home to my apartment full of stuff, I began to feel
ashamed. I'm an acknowledged materialist. Having stuff makes me happy.
Not just any type of stuff, but good, expensive stuff. I depend on my
belongings to ensure my happiness. I was feeling very shallow. Then, as my
overactive mind is wont to do, I started thinking about the situation. I
decided that I needed to fix things a bit.
Well, I'm no saint, nor a martyr, but I could, within my limited scope,
make a difference. The pizza thing has proved that. Now charity is all well
and good, but it has to be dragged out of most people. So I came up with a
soloution that would help others and not inconvenience me all that much.
My afore mentioned overactive brain went even more overboard than
usual. I decided that I should share my revelation with others. What better
way, my mind reasoned, to share a revelation than through a religion. I
couldn't, after brief research, pick an existing religion that met my needs, so
I created my own. Spiritual Materialism is what I decided to name it.
The main purpose of Spiritual Materialism is to help those with less
Stuff than you. Stuff of value being more Holy than cheap, crappy Stuff. So
it is the duty of a Spiritual Materialist with Good Stuff to share it with those
Now I don't like religions with lots of complex moral codes, as I value
freedom of thought and action almost as much as I value Good Stuff.
However, it seems to me that religions need rules, so I created a list of the
major laws of Spiritual Materialism. Here they are (not necessarily listed in order of importance).
1. All Stuff is Holy. Do not break, abuse, misuse or otherwise defile the Holy Stuff.
2. Do not steal anybody's Stuff.
3. Treat your Stuff well, for you may loose it.
4. Giving freely of your Stuff to others is the Most Holy of all Acts.
5. Respect Stuff given to you by others, as you would Stuff you bought yourself.
6. If Stuff breaks, and is not fixable, recycle it, so there can be more Stuff.
7. Whenever possible, strive to make the world around you better through Stuff.
8. If you are skilled, create Stuff.
9. Do not force your will upon the Stuff of others.
10. These aren't the Ten Commandments, so I stopped at nine.
Joining the ranks of the Spiritual Materialists:
In order to become a Spiritual Materialist, you need not give up
your current beiefs. However, if conflicts do arise between faiths, Stuff
must be worshipped above all else. To remain counted among the
faithfull, you must not let pass any opportunity to help others with your
Stuff. Major sacrifice is not necessary, and extrem deeds of selflessness
are frowned upon. If you stray from the True Path, you may undertake
a quest to bring the Holiness of Stuff to others as an act of redemption.
There are no Spiritual Materialist rituals, save Shopping. Malls are
the Holy Place of the Spiritual Materialist. "All for a dollar" stores are
to be shunned, as they sell Crappy Stuff.
You need not submit yourself for my approval to be welcomed into
the Fellowship of Spiritual Materialists, simply practice its teachings,
and reflect your standing in your sig.
So as not to confuse any noviates, here's more on Spiritual Materialism.
I wanted to clarify the point about giving of Stuff to others. This need
not be a parting of you from your Stuff. After all, materialism itself requires
you to have and treasure Stuff.
You may, for example, drive somebody around in your car. Cars are
an example of valueable Stuff. I would not, however, advocate picking up
hitch-hikers, as they may not respect you and your right to Stuff.
If you have a big screen TV, invite people over to watch the
Superbowl. Let your friends play games on your computer, etc.
Helping others through Stuff does not require giving, but giving is
a part of Spiritual Materialism.
O.K. if the xtians can do it, so can I.
An Earnest Spiritual Materialist Prayer
Let there be Stuff, O Manufacturers who art located in different, various,
random, interspersed locations around the world and elsewhere, that we
may buy it. Keep not the Good Stuff from we the faithful. Guide our steps
through the Malls, that we should not stumble into all-for-a-dollar stores.
Protect us from paper cuts while browsing through catalogs. Keep us from
pushy sales people, who would profane the Holy Stuff.
May our days be filled with Stuff, and our nights and weekends as well.
May we make the most of our Stuff.
USE, SHARE and ENJOY the MOST HOLY STUFF!!
Stuff is the begining, Stuff is the end. Stuff shall be our purpose!
